i’m really quiet, maybe quiets not the word for it, i’m really shy. and even when i’m comfortable enough around you too be “outgoing” i’m still probably not comfortable enough around you too trust you. i have this thing against people knowing my business. not even my business really, my feelings. i always joke and say everything you know about me is googleable – where i live and work, what i eat and do on my spare time, who my friends and family are. but it’s all the stuff deeper than that, which only a very select few know about me. and this causes some conflict (a lot of conflict) when trying to nurture new relationships.

no that’s not a look of disgust, it’s just my face.  this whole resting bitch face thing has really helped me explain and understand why i look like i just smelt a fart when someone’s telling me a story. it’s not that i’m uninterested or secretly judging you, it’s just my face when i’m paying attention to your problems.

because you tell me about your lovers quarrel doesn’t mean i’ll tell you about mine. people more often than not divulge their personal information to me. and i listen, i try to help. i like to believe all of the hours i’ve spent watching dr. phil make me somewhat of a qualified expert on all things self-help. i know you probably don’t realize that we spend hours talking about you but that’s okay because i love giving advice.

don’t take my advice? don’t come to me for advice. this one sentence right here is why my friendships never last. because people take roles in relationships i almost always fall into the category of listener. i’m the friend you can call with a problem and always receive a listening ear, and a good unbiased opinion. just because i’m your friend doesn’t mean ill side with you. here’s the thing you don’t always have to do what i say, your life is your own. but, if you come to me week in and week out with the same problems and week in and week out i give you the same solutions this isn’t going to last. no one wants to waste their time and energy on deaf ears. plus, if i care about you and you’re being mistreated, and i voice my concerns but nothing changes – i can’t have that stress in my life…

i’m working on developing meaningful relationships in 2015 and sometimes a good place to start when doing that is repairing ones you’ve given up on. i think to be successful i need to step outside of what Ii find “comfortable” in friendships. they’re a two-way street and i have to start letting people into my lane. and, if people don’t accept my olive branch i need to keep on trekking because life goes bye really fast and i can’t constantly dwell on the past.


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