the time I went skinny dipping

tumblr_static_sun_cloudsdisclaimer: the title is basically click bait.

i have one avid reader – she doesn’t read my posts as i post them. she waits a couple of months, reads one post and then snapchats me i need to blog more often #friendshipgolas. she was recently promoted from her customer service job into sales so she’ll have less time to check my blog and hopefully that’ll mean she’s accumulated more to read. hopefully. i thought it would be fun to do a “storytime blog”. considering all of my most outrageous stories have her in them picking one was hard. So i decided to go with the time i went skinny dipping – kind of.

it was summer 2015, she was newly single from a 2 year relationship and was on tinderbox searching for a tinder surprise. she went on a couple of dates and fell in love (as she usually does) with an army boy. we were supposed to have a lowkey night, somehow they never end up being lowkey. i found myself in the big city picking up her flavour of the month. the plan was to go back to her place, drink, party, swim and crash. the hour car ride was questionable and i knew she had no clue what she had gotten us into. for anonymity purposes i’ll rename the men in this story – john was the boy she liked and mario was his friend that tagged along for the night. after a couple of drinks and listening to some tunes they decided they were ready to swim. the thing was john and mario didn’t plan on ending up in a pool that night and never brought swim trunks. before i knew it their shirts were off and their pants (and boxers) were at their ankles. believe me i wasn’t drunk enough for that. the site of a foreign penis makes me jittery so i had to put my hands over my eyes. i know, i’m childish. me and B stripped down to our bras and underwear (basically a bikini right?) and hopped in the pool too. for the next hour we watched two grown ass men frolicking in the water, picking each other’s naked asses up and sliding down the water slide… together.

B dated john for well over a year and mario attempted to stick his finger in my butt.

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to buy a car, or not to buy a car, that is the question

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for those of you who know me personally you know the love i have for jeeps is real, and the hate i have for my honda civic is even more real. i on more then one occasion have referred to that mistake learning experience as a lemon. which my dear ol’ dad finds offensive because he picked out and paid for that mistake learning experience. i cannot say enough good things about my civics fuel economy but it just doesn’t scream bad ass bitch, as it should – i mean, look at me. so here’s my dilemma, do i start a six year love hate relationship with my bank account and car payment plan or do i suck it up and continue to not meet my bad ass potential?

i mean dad, if you’re reading this it’s not fair to deny the world its right to see me in all of my glory. and besides, my birthdays in a couple weeks cosign that lovely hunk of metal (plastic?) and win alll of thee father of the year awards.

The Guide to The Yolo

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i’m always fathomed when stupid things catch on – swag, ratchet, dawg, fam and the ever so popular YOLO. YOLO, if you don’t already know is the abbreviation for – you only live once, which is quite philosophical… lol, drake lyrics philosophical, i crack myself up. here’s the thing i have no problem with “YOLO” my problem is with people who use yolo as a justification for making a poor decision. So, i thought i’d do my due diligence as a contributing member of our society and help steer the younger, more impressionable generation on the right track with what i like to call “The Guide to The YOLO”

 

                      YOLO DO’S

                         YOLO DON’TS
telling the girl you’ve had a crush on for 3 years that you like her – YOLO moment sleeping with 3 different guys in 1 week is not justifiable with a – YOLO
conquering your fear of anything – YOLO moment maxing out your 3rd credit card on YMCMB merchandise is not justifiable with a – YOLO
eating 2 types of desserts for dinner after your boyfriend breaks up with you – YOLO moment cutting off an old man in a wheel chair at the mall trying to hit up the taco bell is not justifiable with a – YOLO
trying something new for the first time – YOLO moment wearing a pink and purple eye shadow combination to work is not justifiable with a – YOLO
making someone else’s day by doing something you wouldn’t otherwise do – YOLO moment skipping birth control pills and letting someone you met on tinder explode in you is not justifiable with a – YOLO

 

so there you have it, the list could go on but a few YOLO do’s and don’ts so you get a feel for the criteria. and i mean everyone could stop using the term YOLO and just do the things they want to do while they can… i mean that’s still an option. But, if you want to live your life following the guidelines of a man who rapped “last name ever, first name greatest like a sprained ankle boy, i ain’t nothin’ to play with” then that’s your prerogative.

#iactuallylovedrake