lately ive been thinking about how differently my life could’ve turned out, just think about it – all it takes is untelling a lie, making a different choice, speaking your mind or pursuing a different path and things could be significantly different. it could be the most trivial thing like when i was 18 i was dating this guy he was a few years older, and i was embarrassed to tell him i had a curfew. he wanted to see a movie on a sunday night, and i couldn’t stay out long enough. instead of telling him i had a curfew i pretended i didn’t want to see a movie and we drove around aimlessly for an hour. he was mad, and instead of finally telling him i had a curfew… i dumped his ass. i mean, do i think things would’ve worked out? no. i was young then and didn’t know what i wanted (and happened to spend the next 6 years with the greatest man this side of the moon) but, its that little thing that could’ve potentially made a monumental change. think about it, what if you never went to that party – or went to that party? what if you chose a different post-secondary school? what if you held out for that dream job? what if you told your then boyfriend that you had a curfew?
i feel like everyone at some point has a man i’m old epiphany. i had my first (of many, i’m sure) this week. i’m going to throw down a little family dynamics real quick for you. i’m 1 of 4 children, second in the birth order but the oldest of 3 girls (so everyone is on the same page i have 1 older brother and 2 younger sisters). on monday my baby sister had her prom and on tuesday she graduated highschool. when my other younger sister graduated 2 years ago i was proud but it never really felt monumental. let me tell you though – when your sister, who is 6 years younger than you, that you can vividly remember dropping as a baby (sorry about that) graduates from highschool you can’t help but stop and think… what the fuck just happened? where did the last 4 years go?
it also doesnt help that her graduating highschool marks my 6 years out of highschool anniversary
me on prom night with my bestfriend at the time
no wonder i enjoy my saturday nights with this one #GrandmaStatus
Not long ago, I took a highly revered internet test letting me know my true age. After a grilling list of questions, it revealed that I am 62. Seeing as I was only born 26 years ago, this should have offended me; however, since the description following my “real age” was pretty accurate, it was hard to argue.
I’ve recently noticed that I’m having a hard time keeping up with what the “kids” are into. Actually, it’s not so much that I can’t keep up as I don’t care. I’m not interested in the latest acronym or abbreviation. I don’t need to stay up until the wee hours of the morning in order to call the night a success. When the clock strikes midnight, I’m out. If you can’t manage to fit in a good time before that, you must not be very fun. I’m basically Cinderella, and you wouldn’t…
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i like to believe i was born cursed – not only am i canadian, eh? but, i had the pleasure of being born just outside of one of the largest cities in canada. i am a torontonian, and as a torontonian i feel the added pressures of being a hockey fan. not just a hockey fan but a fan of the toronto maple leafs. i grew up watching hockey but not watching hockey. pizza, wings and nachos are some of my favourite foods so that’s why i participated in the tml festivities. forgive me but i could careless if we won or if we lost. now however, that i’m older and wiser i watch every game religiously. if i can’t physically watch it i’m checking my app every .2 seconds to get updates. but here’s the thing, i wish i could go back to the simpler times when all i cared about was the jalapeño’s on my nachos being put on the side. FOR YOU SEE, the toronto maple leafs have a bad track record of shitting the bed, to put it nicely. you have never felt disappointment until you’ve become a leafs fan. i would just like to acknowledge how low my expectations of the leafs are; i don’t expect them to win the cup, i don’t expect them to make it out of the first round of playoffs – just get there. and, if getting there is a task to hard to conquer just show up. this city has already faced its fair share of embarrassment thanks to our crack smoking mayor so don’t lose, 5-2 to the penguins or 4-1 to the red wings. or you know what, lose 5-2 or 4-1 just make it a challenge, good hockey to watch – see i told you, extremely low expectations.
with all of that being said, i still wear my kessel jersey every game night and pay 300 dollars for tickets. when will i learn.
i’m at a crossroads in my life where people i used to consider good friends, are no longer on my level. some of them were never on the same page as me – but there lives were a form of entertainment. this is sad. i mean, looking back on my late teens early twenties these “friends” are who i have memories with. maturity goes a long way, and i suppose i have no patience for a lack of it anymore. i’ve witnessed good friends go separate ways and then come back together later in life.
so, to annoying old friends –
see yah! incredible new friends – how you doin? and to reliable good friends – thankyou
a couple weeks ago there was a fair in the town that i’m from. my youngest sister got her palm read and the fortune teller (if you want to call her that) told her she’d meet her soul mate within the year and her husband a few years later. thus raising the question “how am i going to meet my soul mate here, and my husband here?” i’m not sure what the statistic is exactly but i’m sure a very small fraction of the world’s population ends up with their soul mate. the way i see it is there are two types of love – soul mate love and partner love. partner love is the love you form with someone over time. the two of you together build a love that feels as if it were destiny. and then there’s the more complicated soul mate love, two people who were given the gruelling task of finding each other and successfully did. it’s indescribable, heart wrenching, fierce and passionate. everything fits and the love you have for each other is selfless and unconditional. a bond that goes beyond your time and your years, something even you have troubles explaining or comprehending. it’s really real really fast and you feel completely secure being washed up in it… this form of love will turn sceptics in to believers. if you’re currently with – or have had the honour of being with your soul mate for even the shortest of times, you should consider yourself lucky. a love like that is once in a lifetime, and not everyone has the opportunity to experience it.
ALL I DO IS SNACK. i’ve never been a big snacker, don’t get me wrong i love my meals but i’ve never been one to sit around and eat a bag of chips. until now. i’ve been working full-time for a little over a month and i find myself snacking to kill time. as someone who went from being overweight, too anorexic, back too overweight and now healthy the fluctuating scale is causing me anxiety. i’ve been trying different things to take my mind off of the boredom, chewing gum and reading news articles but nothing kills time like a walk over to the vending machine and then eating my prize possession. I NEED HELP! everywhere you read these pictures that say, “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”. that’s a flat out lie. everything in the moment tastes as good as skinny feels. it’s being able to foresee the disappointment of a few gained pounds that doesn’t “taste” as good as skinny feels. at the end of the day i’ll love myself regardless of what the scale says, but i want to feel good about myself. i have the right too feel good about myself, everyone has that right. now is my time. i have to get back on the wagon, keep on trekking and make my dream body my reality body.
i read, i write
i tumbl: twostepsforward-o-n-e-stepback.tumblr.com
well hello there good-looking, fancy meeting you here. i hope you found me okay and you’ll remember how to find your way back. it really would be a shame if i never got to see you again. my name? my names victoria, i’m twenty-two and i’m canadian, eh? i love all the things, and look forward too sharing them with you – here, as long as you promise to come back. promise? good. i hope to make this blog something special, something you’ll look forward returning too. our little escape, just the two of us. without further ado i present to you, and you, and you…
my favourite chapter.
i read, i write
i tumbl: twostepsforward-o-n-e-stepback.tumblr.com